If you ever took advice from me regarding fantasy sports anything in the world, I give you my sincerest of apologies. Apparently I'm fucking terrible at everything. But since you're reading this I'm guessing you already knew that.
In honor of last night's Emmy's there are a few people I'd like to thank in making my sports life absolutely miserable.
1. Trent Richardson, David Wilson, Stevan Ridley. I owe you guys for not only making my teams terrible, but for making me look like a fucking idiot. In my 3 big money leagues I have a combination of these 3 guys, and have all 3 in my dynasty league. Sure they may get their shit together eventually but by then I'm guessing I'll be well out of the playoff picture. I can't even sell these guys for a Danny Woodhead/Oakland Raiders D combo. Here's to relying on Bilal Powell and Willis McGahee the rest of the way.
2. Justin Verlander. Hey buddy, it's pretty obvious something's wrong with you when you quit motorboating Kate Upton's jugs without a restraining order. I should've known I couldn't trust this guy. You ever seen Bull Durham? I guess Verlander stopped breathing out his eyes and wearing her panties on the mound because he's a fucking bum now. Did a $100 baseball league and took Verlander first round. Yep. I went full retard on that one.
3. Arkansas Razorback Linebackers/Secondary. Look I know people have been pointing at coaching and QB play as to why we lost, but I beg to differ. AJ Derby didn't turn the ball over and our coaches implemented some wrinkles that had us winning when we looked absolutely dismal. I guess hurting Rutgers' running back was the worst thing we could do because they just started airing it out. Austin Jones is terrible and has no business trying to cover anybody, much less a tight end at a D1 school. I know we took a pick 6 back to the house but that was simply because Trey Flowers anhiliated their QB and the ball magically fell short. Our D line almost single handidly won us that game on Saturday. Philon is the future. Chris Smith and Trey Flowers are the real deal. But for the love of God can we get Brooks Ellis in the game. Can we leave Otha in at all times. Where's Myke Taveres? Martrell Spaight was flying all over the place (dropped a game winning pick 6 too). Jared Lake you have a football IQ of British hair dresser and he gave Rutgers points to end the half. Rohan Gaines where you at? Could've used you playing safety on 4th and 13 when Tevin Mitchell decided to bump and run. And why the hell does Hocker not punt every time we are in our own territory? He just booted one 77 yards earlier to flip the playing field. Hey I'm not saying I expected to win 9 games this year but I sure as hell hoped for 6 and that's pretty much impossible now.
4. My Doctors. 9 months after an ankle sprain I get put in a full walking boot for a month. It would've been nice for that to happen when I went to the doctor in March. Then in April again. Also just got allergy tested and apparently I not only need to live in a bubble, but I need that bubble dusted about 4 times a day. And I'm not talking about the good getting dusted where you inhale keyboard duster and talk like a demon. They test for 48 allergens and most people who have allergies come back positive with anywhere from 6-15 positive allergens. Not bubble boy here. Nope. I racked up 39 of those bitches. Pow! Allergies at it's absolute best and by best I mean I throw up 4 cups of snot every morning, spit loogies like I chew tobacco, and pretty much just gross out anyone I talk to.
yep I've got to quit typing. I'm starting to go fuzzy and my ears are bleeding. Must be the dust on the keyboard. Probably not good. Probably time to panic. Where the fuck is the duster....
On a brighter note the hogs are opening +3 against A&M so go put all the money you possibly can on A&M. I hear they're a bit better than Rutgers.
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